Lost

I've really no idea where to start this. Back in June of 2012 such a short time ago I felt life was starting to work out. I had a great job while it wasn't stressful and didn't pay well, I loved what I did. I was starting a romantic relationship with a woman that actually understood everything I was going through. How did life spin so far out of control?

I sit here today unemployed, debt over my head, and basically homeless. I've been kicked out of my apartment in Massachusetts and had to relocate back to Kentucky. I live in my grandparents home with no privacy. I've also had religious guilt from about the age of 7. Now sitting here I’m faced with a hard choice. I can follow my faith meaning I give up my transition which so far I have completely put on hold. This also means being utterly confused for the rest of my life.

I have never been normal by any sense of the term. By age 6 or 7, I knew I was interested in woman. I have also felt like I was a boy trapped in the wrong body. Now in order to follow my faith I must live life as the girl I never wanted to be. I’m conflicted in so many ways. I believe in my God, while many may call my brainwashed I know what I feel. I want to do what is right but sometimes it feels hopeless.