I've really no idea where to
start this. Back in June of 2012 such a short time ago I felt life was starting
to work out. I had a great job while it wasn't stressful and didn't pay well, I
loved what I did. I was starting a romantic relationship with a woman that
actually understood everything I was going through. How did life spin so far
out of control?
I sit here today unemployed,
debt over my head, and basically homeless. I've been kicked out of my apartment
in Massachusetts and had to relocate back to Kentucky. I live in my
grandparents home with no privacy. I've also had religious guilt from about the
age of 7. Now sitting here I’m faced with a hard choice. I can follow my faith
meaning I give up my transition which so far I have completely put on hold.
This also means being utterly confused for the rest of my life.
I have never been normal by
any sense of the term. By age 6 or 7, I knew I was interested in woman. I have
also felt like I was a boy trapped in the wrong body. Now in order to follow my
faith I must live life as the girl I never wanted to be. I’m conflicted in so
many ways. I believe in my God, while many may call my brainwashed I know what
I feel. I want to do what is right but sometimes it feels hopeless.